Thursday, October 8, 2015

Coffee Rant: Macchiato

Sometimes I rant about coffee because so many coffee drinkers have no idea what they're talking about and drive me nuts. This comes from being a former barista and so many Starbucks lovers being ill-informed on what they're drinking.

Today's rant happened because of a thing that showed up in my TimeHop:


I remember that well. It was a doctor who ordered a large Macchiato several times a week and she was perfectly nice, actually one of my favorite customers. That day she decided to order 5 to take some to her co-workers. I made them the exact same way I made them every single time. She tasted every single one and said they all tasted wrong. My boss happened to show up at the time (they were friends) and she tasted them and agreed they were all bad (I didn't taste them because I don't drink after other people; being doctors, you'd think they would have thought the same way). I remade all 5 of them the exact same way and, miraculously, they were all perfect. Why? Because people are crazy and drive me nuts.

Every time I hear someone order a Macchiato there are 2 incidents that come to mind. The first is the above. The second was when I worked at Glory Jean's. Typically when someone came in and ordered a Caramel Macchiato we had to explain that we weren't Starbucks and that wasn't something we made (none of us knew how to at the time). One day our regional manager was in when someone ordered one and explained that it was the exact same thing as our Creme Brulee (which is the fancy GJ name for a Caramel Latte). We had all looked up how to make a Macchiato and disagreed, but, y'know, you don't argue with the person that could fire you.

On a side note, the first incident took place when I worked at Cafe Macchiato (it was a kiosk with a giant sign behind me displaying our name). You wouldn't believe how many times people walked up and asked a.) "Are you a Starbucks?" and b.) "Do you make Macchiatos?" *facepalm*

Let me break down the Macchiato for you:

A real Italian Macchiato
Macchiato translates in English to "stained." It is espresso literally stained by milk. To make a proper Macchiato, you get a shot of espresso then add a tad of frothed milk to the top.

The Americanized Macchiato
This resembles nothing of the Italian Macchiato. It varies depending on where you order it from, but the majority start with a shot of vanilla syrup in the bottom (some do whatever flavor of Macchiato you've ordered), fill the cup with steamed milk, add a shot of espresso to the top (the number of shots also varies by shop), then drizzle with caramel or mocha sauce.

Please tell me you see the drastic difference in the two. Yes? Right?

Okay, you wanna know how to make a flavored latte? Start with the espresso in the bottom of the cup, add your flavor, then your steamed milk. Wanna make it fancy? Drizzle some sauce on the top. Well, would ya look at that. It's the exact same thing as your fancy Americanized Macchiato just put together in a different order. And you probably saved money. I will note that some honest coffee shops do charge the same price for a Caramel Latte and Caramel Macchiato, because they're wise and kind.

If you're going to insist on ordering your Caramel Macchiato, can you do me one favor? Don't stir it up! If you stir it you just completely wasted that extra money you could have saved by ordering a Caramel Latte and stirring it up.

On a final note, if you order a Macchiato iced or as a frappe, I can't even look at you. Go away.

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